...The "N" word....

The "n-word" is the ugliest racial slur ever created. It is a word known primarily as a means to denigrate African Americans. The word packs such power to represent overt racial hatred, most people - regardless of race - will not even utter it.

One thing be clear, im a Nigerian-American male. I was born here but was raised and grew up in Nigeria so im very ccustomed to traditional virtues as well as Western ones. For a very long time, i never thought that i would be referred to by that dreadful word. Growing up in Nigeria at the time i did, it was almost never heard of for a kid to refer to someone else by the word, despite the huge exposure to hip-hop there and the fact that about 98% is black. I do not ever recall being called the slur back there. Even so, i used to come to America for summer vacations and never encountered it. Granted, one time some white guys yelled, 'go back to Africa' at me from a passing car. Another time a group of white men in a bar accused me of stealing a wallet; one of them called me 'Jackson.' But they didn't use the word, 'nigger'.

So, what's it like to be called, 'nigger'? I finally did understand on this very fateful day- 16th of October 1998. It was the first time i ever was called by that ill word, at least to my face and knowledge.

I really would not go into much detail about so as not to beat around the bush so i'd cut to the chase. I sat in the place that i did not know belonged to this white kid, whom was widely believed to be the strongest kid in the class. The kid was late and i had no place to sit so i decided to stay in his place for the time being. He then came in about 10 mins later and i felt someone slap me hard across the back of my 16 year old head. He then said, "What the fuck are you doing in my place, you stupid nigger". And there i was, shocked and stunned given the fact that i at least knew it was a derogatory word used to describe someone with melanin in them. He repeatedly used profane language in my face and pushed me over. Indignation and animosity filled up in my heart, and in a sudden swing, i abruptly got up and lividly delivered five of the most violent punches i ever remember delivering to anyone. I battered the hell out of this guy's face and then bodyslammed him on the table, much to the shock and possible fear of the whole class considering the fact that i was seen as a quite, easy-going and tranquil person who would not hurt even a fly. The teacher then walked in and then saw blood gushing from this guy's nose and was told what happened. She then sent me outta the class and later in the day, i was suspended and my parents were called in. We both maintained that if i were to be suspended, so should he since he provoked me and that happened, with him getting a longer suspension. But the pain of being referred to by that horrenduos slur.

I was deeply upset. I knew his intent was to demean me and undercut my sense of self. After my suspension, i marched right to the principal and my teacher and made it crystal clear that should this kind of overt racism repeat itself again, what happened previously would serve just as a tip of the iceberg.

In my opinion, everyone; wait, - every black folk- has a "nigger" story. The most embarassing and confusing fact is that this rather gruesome word is now glorified by the very people it has the most direct effect on; us. Everyone from rappers to comedians to even some athletes makes use of the word, and to make it seem more approachable, they make the excuse of altering the spelling and sounds. As in taking 'er' off the end of the word and replace it with an 'a', and 'nigga' becomes a term of endearment. Do i agree? Never.

If you look at the origin of the word, you'd see it was derived from the Latin word for the color black which is spelled 'n-i-g-e-r". It all relates to how African slaves were robbed of the power of self-identity; how African Americans have been trying recapture that ever since. Indeed, we've been known by many names: colored, Afro-American, black, Negro, African-Americans. Some people say when young black people call each other 'nigga', instead of 'nigger, ' they're merely writing a new chapter in the African American re-naming tradition.

The truth is, the word itself makes most white people nervous. A lot of college professors, who make a living off talking about words, speak the word when lecturing about hate speech. But they do so with caution because sometimes the most well-intentioned use of the word can cause problems.

For many African Americans or black folks for that matter, it doesn't matter how the word is pronounced or who says it. It is never, ever appropriate. I am one of those people. I have never referred to anyone with that word. I do not, never have and never will. My best male friend is male and he knows about my hatred for the word. Since i do not call anyone the word, i do not expect to be called that. I don't even feel comfortable using the word because it causes me pain. I do not think it is ever appropriate for anyone to use - not even among black people-. People fought and died over that word and still do. But it goes deeper than that. 'Nigger' was a tool to keep black people in their place in the Jim Crow south.

The pain and awful memories evoked by the word nigger may just never go away. The word can wreak havoc in the lives of some white people as well.

-Christopher